pseudo punk.
Today is a bad day in general for everyone.
Let me whine...
I wish my mom and dad would stop being angry at each other.
I miss alot of people.
And I sent the fucking wrong sms (I think) to someone...And now we're having a big misunderstanding over something so miniscule. Bloody shit.
I sounded so horrible during band today. I admit I felt really lousy during band. Cos I sounded bad, I couldn't play well, and I was rather insulted.
Hai. Feel so loser today, all cos of minor stuff. Thank God for friends.
Hello. I'm feeling tonnes better after a day of rest. :)
Hmm. Band ends at 5. Before that there's econs makeup and there's musicfest after that. Think I shall look for a way to bathe and change into better looking clothes. Arg.
My mom's playing this brainless game. I told her it's harmful to her intellectual level and she just grinned at me. I think it's taking effect already. -pause-
ADVERT: ANY SANE PERSON wants to come to a charity concert at Esplanade? It's erm. Not this month. I think it's either June or July. It's for CHARITY! Px are at $18, $20, and $25. This is your only chance to pay such LOW px and GET INTO THE ESPLANADE. So book your tickets with me! We have a great repertoire! (but which band doesn't say that...)
Well, I'll kill my social life if thats what I need to get my goal. My friends are GP and Math for now.
Relaxing...I'm sick now with 2 days MC so I can finally catch up on sleep...
Lao shi says we're trying out Jap Graf (I forgot which one,either 4,5 or 6) for this Sat's practice in anticipation of Top 5 finals. It's the Hokkien piece soundalike. AND also the one with the real sleazy alto sax solo.
Stress. For the solo in Praise Jerusalem I had to work on getting a rounded strong tone, clean articulation and projection. Now he wants me to change to jazz.
Arg. Okay. I shall take challenges in my stride. Except there's no room for mistake this time. Anyway it's a once in a lifetime sorta thing. Where else do I get a chance to play so many bloody solos in a competition?
Woahho. I hear the bed calling. Good morning people.
Well. Yesterday I cried in school, in the canteen of all places. I called Fontane while I was crying, and ppl stared openly. Well it was VERY embarrassing. I told her what happened, and the other person whom I told was Wei2, and I even had to do it through a letter cos I didn’t want to talk about it.
Dad talked to me in the car on the way to school. I’ve always feared my Dad; he’s just the stoical strict one, always frowningly concerned about our grades. Whenever he frowns, the hairs on my arms will just stand up and I’ll shut my mouth for fear of antagonizing him.
He picked me up from school after band, and told me “You must pia.”
Band is another issue, the pressure of performing well, of mastering both pieces etc, its taking a mental and physical toll on me. SYF has always been a source of stress, and Praise Jerusalem is far from perfect. It’s in 15 days, and 5 days of band a week is hardly a cause for celebration.
Furthermore there’s Maths CT next wed (I haven’t had time to start) and GP CT this Sat and I’m pressurized to do better since I managed a “flop” the previous time. And I really don’t like being compared with my good friend. I don’t need people to heap additional pressure on me this way. If you know what I mean.
The presentation tmr is draining the life out of me, I slept at 4am yesterday, tonight probably slightly earlier, but nevertheless late. And the lack of sleep apparently isn’t good for me in school since I can’t concentrate, when I really want to. There’s so much gratuitous pressure from this exhibition, and what, I only get 1 enrichment point. It’s as if I hankered after that measly point. I hope whatever effort I put in pays off tmr though.
Maybe I was just stressed out by everything. I know I have a low tolerance level for stress. And I’m extremely emotional. But sometimes I just hope that people would be more sensitive. I know I’m not, but at least sometimes I try to think what other people might feel if I say/do something.
I felt extremely alone yesterday. With so many friends and buddies around but I couldn’t tell them this. At least I’m taking it into stride today, although the parent-meet-teacher letter is giving me a headache again.
Band left my ears ringing after a while. I had this irrepressible urge to ram something, anything into the bells of the trumpets behind me. I think Daniel played at ten times the total band volume. And some trumpet was playing wrong notes all over the place! DISSONANT CHORDS!
And then use the remaining energy to break the clarinets into little pieces because they are dragging half of the time. I was stressed out because I couldn’t play 67 onwards properly; the articulation wasn’t clean enough for VCH’s acoustics. Bloodyhell I kept practicing until Lao shi gave thumbs up to my solo the last time. Zhiwei says there is a conductor that’s really scared of us. I think Praise Jerusalem needs LOTS more work though.
Is it me, or why are all the TV shows on channel 8 absolutely brainless nowadays. The trite slapstick humour gets a tad too irritating. Like the actors are trying too hard to valiantly keep the show going, maybe it’s time to stop those sequels. It gets a little sickening to watch, the latest seasons are like repetitive reruns.
I need to watch Friends and Smallville and Felicity!
I thought I was supposed to write about the effects of religion resulting in tension in today’s world. I ended up counting blackheads on my Biore porepack. –screams BIMBO-
Yes. I'm disappointed with today's outcome, that's to put it mildly. Sigh.
cos you're all I want
Hmm. Maybe I've hit rockbottom. Haven't felt so goddamned awful in a while. fucking studies. Results like EOOO. Lagging schoolwork. SYF. Band practices 5 days a week. Mediocre playing. Remedials. LOW self-esteem. Missing wallet. Lonely. Trying to be a good buddy. Fat. Lack of sleep. Being labelled. Causing rifts between people.
re-ignited.
running as fast as we can
I need someone to be here for me. It doesn't have to be all the time. At least I'd know someone really loves me.
oh hohohoho. How true. :)
Oh -censored-.
HE called me from TEKONG! -censored- I'm going mad from hysteria, think I won't be able to sleep tonight cos I'll be wondering wtf did he suddenly call me for.
And he asked me out for supper this weekend. Oh no. I think I gave a rather ambiguous answer.
Oh bloody hell why should I be bothering about this when there are more important things in front of me right now?
In losing a wallet and going to all this trouble, I’ve gained much more.
Fontane bought me chocolates from Sins = best friends do know each other’s needs. In this case, endorphins.
Yirong gave me a note, with a small little origami crane, and it touched the bottom of my heart because I know someone loves me enough to make me something to replace the things that I lost. Sometimes it’s the intangible things that are without a doubt, more warming than anything else.
Lifelong amity in the form of Huifang and Lionel. As my seniors, they’ve taught me many things, and I’m perpetually grateful.
Yingni for a timely hug and prayers; Kenneth, KC, monkey Tim for their concern; Wei2 for asking me where I was so he could give me money to get home. That was really considerate, and I can’t count the number of people asking whether I’m okay. Even Ivy wanted to buy lunch back for me from Parkway today cos she knew of my predicament. I’m touched.
I’ve gained the knowledge that I have friends who care for and love me.
And specially to:
Jon, Nick, Zhao, Mark , Song, Kev. For enduring my whining, crying, sour face, PMS days, and esp. Nick for talking to me until 2am yesternight, Jon talking to me once till 4am cos I was bawling hysterically. Song called me once he found out, and I tell you, I feel loved no matter what.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m the only girl in the group.
I can’t run to them to ask for hugs like I do to girlfriends, but they can give me loyal friendship;
They can’t empathize with PMS and monthly stress, but they can make me laugh even when I think I can’t;
I can’t talk to them about nor go on long shopping trips for girl stuff, but they can bring me to play CS or just trash each other at pool;
I can’t do shit with them in the males toilet (and they’re always up to something in there), but we can all stay-over at my house and have endless fun doing crap;
I can’t go to NS with all of them, but I’ll be patiently waiting for their book out weekends next year so we can all meet up;
I can’t have a first hand experience on being a guy, but I can talk to them freely about life and relationships and understand.
So, even though sometimes life seems really down, but there are always open arms to reach out and pull you from those bottomless pits.
It's not only about the IC..it's about the memories and sentimental value my wallet holds.
I cried since 4pm, and I don't think I can stop.
It's going to be a long dreary task to replace all those cards. Not mentioning the money that I owe, and my pictures. And those friendship cards that people wrote to me.
9.10pm
It doesn't help that every corner I turn to, my dad's giving me looks that stab and say "It's your fault you lost your wallet, and we have to pay for your mistake."
I cried till my eyes are swollen, my family knows I'm distraught, so they just leave me alone.
I'm touched that my mom empathizes. She gave me eighty bucks but I refused to accept. She handed me a glass of watermelon juice, and when I was drinking, stuffed the money into my hand. My hand was trembling as I was drinking, but I told her I'd take only thirty cos IT IS my fault and my dad would just contn being angry with me. I so wanted to curl up and cry in a corner.
On the way home I was thinking about every single thing I had in there, thoughts I wrote about stuff, "best friend" cards that Fon gave, the key chain from Aprilyn, pictures from 2000, movie tickets, odds and ends.
I've picked up many wallets over the last few years, once I picked up 2 hundred bucks and dutifully returned all of them. Now I'm hoping that the honesty I showed would be reciprocated just this once. Please. I know I sound desperate but my wallet is like a part of me. And I have loads of memories inside.
So please God, please let me have my baby back.
I lost my wallet in the Lvl 1 toilet of Parkway Parade. I feel like fuck, there were countless sentimental items inside my wallet...
I lost 1. IC. Fuck I have to pay...
Feel so bad now, I'd give up anything to get it back. The person took it, I don't care, take my money at least return my cards. I'm praying for a miracle. Made a police report and I can't stop crying. The last time some ass stole my wallet was when I was in Sec3 and I cried for days.
Please give my wallet back to me. I'm very desperate. All my stuff.... Very upset...
"You are all the same."
She bit back on the last word, withholding that torrent. She choked and laughed aloud.
"So, it's over then."
She wasn't waiting for his reply; it was an answer she already knew. Why drag it further, she wondered aloud.
"Please don't do this to me."
He spoke for the first time in that tension.
"It hurts me to see you this way... I want to continue-"
"I can see that you don't. Stop lying to me."
"Hit me, if it makes you feel better... I can't bear to see you so sad..." A glistening teardrop rolled down his cheeks.
"What for, will it bring you back to me? Will I be happier? Will I know whether you really loved me?" She fell down in a heap on the dusty floor, eyes reddening with tears begging to be released.
Suddenly the memories inundated her, the happier times, the scarce times they argued, the times when everything would be all right just because he said so, the times when everything was much simpler. When all they ever knew was how happy they were. And now, everything came shattering down, their hopes, their dreams, the everlasting love, or so it was called –
He hugged her tight. All she could ever think of was for a time warp, for it to freeze in that moment, yet she flailed her arms halfheartedly and tried to push him away in vain.
At that precise moment, her strong demeanor deteriorated. She fought to keep the blissful memories away, for those only added to the attacks on her crumbling will and resolve to lock him out of her life. The tears came, swift and hard.
"Why-"
He started humming a tune, which she instantaneously recognized as the one he used to make her laugh, the one that they both knew, and that she teased him for not being able to sing. It had a mysterious effect on her, like the wordless tune conveyed words of comfort, capable of soothing her even in the most difficult of times.
She could almost sleep in those strong arms, yet it wasn't real, because they weren't together anymore...
And so, it signified the end of a stable bond and the beginning of a rocky liaison, one full of turmoil and hurt, cutting in ceaselessly and relentlessly...
Tell me you love me,
Runnin' in circles,
Nobody said it was easy,
Monotonous day again. Parents are paranoid. Mom brought me to Parkway to stock up on hand wipes and disinfectants. -.- Urg. SARS hols maketh Grace a bimbo. I am sooo bored I actually start looking around for nail colour in Guardian.
Now Daddy is a little paranoid about my mom’s HK friend and kid moving in to our condo next Mon. Mom’s supposed to fetch her at the airport cos evidently HK’s in a calamitous state now, with no food and really bad conditions, hence she came over here to avoid the plague. Oh well. They had a disagreement over it; guess my Dad’s really nutty. I hope they don’t sleep in my bed though.
One more day to school reopening. I can’t describe that tug in me, I feel like shooting myself even though I don’t like rotting at home either. Urg. Gotta get down to work tmr. LAST DAY! Shit.
I watched 6 movies in 2 days.
Movienight was fun. We slept at 6 am after The Ninth Gate, contemplated going to MacDonald’s for breakfast but I think we decided it was time to sleep. Yewsong left at 8am whilst the rest of us continued drooling. Especially Nick. On My Floor.
Lunch then Nick and Zhaobin left. Time for more google box and a nap. I think the above symptoms are enough to diagnose me with a severe case of couch potato-ness. Which reminds me, school holidays are extended till this Wednesday for us. And that means I have 2 days to do all the $%^#$% work other people have done before returning to school.
Life’s so dreary. Today’s Saturday already. I never felt so alone and empty, except that I chose this.
Btw, I hate it when people call me Gracie.
Hmm. The Mao Hotpot was yummy alright, thanks dear. The bill came up to be a hefty $52+, and the discount voucher took away $20, so Fon paid the rest. In case you start protesting, HER MOM asked her to treat me. So there.
I was napping this afternoon and then I had a really nostalgic dream, one with the DHSSB people. Think we were at somewhere having a performance, and then I was having section lunch and all, with Mrs Wong giving orders in the background. I was playing a solo (yeah!) and then the flood of memories came back. After the performance I think we were at the back of the bus doing stuff, with KC, Kenneth, both Janices, Terese, Fontane, Junyuan, Yirong, Amanda, and everyone else. I think we were singing the Prince of Egypt song, where we altered it in Australia.
Feeling funny. Today’s Thursday. A few hours more to tmr. And yep, it feels better too to let everything out, thanks buddy. ;) glad you understand.
wtf? Sister calls me "faeces, shit" and I told the bloody barbarian to shutup and my Mom told me to get out, why?
Cos the fucked up Primary 6 bitch who is only a few cm shorter than me is crying.
Selfish little brat. I didn't do it on purpose, she didn't get scalded, wtf should I say sorry for? I suffer all her verbal abuse and she wants to do everything, I can't do anything in this fucked up house, is that it?
oh so next time I want to do something, I start bawling and crying. You all fucking ask me to be nicer to that bitch, yet have you all wondered what it feels like when you say I'm this and that? Fuck you. So what if I'm fat and I don't want to go to the park to exercise? So what if I'm sleeping? I'm fucked up sick and you don't bring me to the doctor, you ask me to take her old medication. Oh great. And I'm really sick. So it's wrong to sleep. Oh sure, I understand. Oh, so she "felt like fainting" this morning and everyone is overwhelmingly concerned. And I've been feeling like fainting the bloody whole week and has anyone cared? NO.
Everyone just says "Hey, are you having SARS or what? Don't pass it to us, stay away."
So you think that feels great. I tell you, fuck them all.
It sucks to keep sniffing and coughing AND running to the toilet every hour.
Supposed to go Mao Hotpot with Fon tmr for lunch. I hope none of the plans screw up, including tonight’s. The school holidays are probably going to be extended...screw a levels.
I’ve been infected with the screw-everyone-i-don’t-wanna-talk-to-you virus. The number of people I feel okay to talk to is dwindling. Shit. Perhaps someone can give me a plausible justification. Right now the number is dying to perhaps under 5.
Oh yes, have I mentioned that I need to go on a rampage to MUJI at Bugis? Perchance a good outing at East Coast would do just fine too. Or maybe I shall just attempt to learn how to write again.
This is such a bad day; pardon my rantings.
I miss some things.
Jon's birthday was how fun… wonder whether I'll have friends to celebrate mine this year too. Shall not muse over this, since I'll just think about previous years. We played CS after that, it was so much fun, we were laughing our asses off.
Hmm. If I were a hot-blooded male instead of a tomboy stuck in a female body, what would have become of me? I guess things would be much easier, I don't mind going NS (seriously.) and I can do so much more things. But being a girl is so unique, especially in a clique of guys. Well, I provide variety. –guffaws-
I need to start work tmr...
I've got so many things to think about, but maybe I shall save some for later. I'm in a brooding mood now. Introspective brooding about the things happening in my life. I've gotta agree that I changed. A lot. Shall elaborate some other time.
ON HINDSIGHT: a few comments just somehow got to me. Sniffing badly + hurting eyes + painful feet + sore throat = a very worried Grace. so to most of you: just leave me alone for now.
10:28 p.m.,Sunday, April 27, 2003
......
Just want everything to stop.
12:13 a.m.,Sunday, April 27, 2003
Musicfest was a bloody flop, was an ego deflator, in a sentence, shouldn't have gone.
Nick feels bad too. You can always talk to me. We're psychic.
I know Yirong was really concerned. Thanks babe. I know you're always around for me. Appreciate it cos you're one of the rare ones.
I feel fucking fat, and I also have gastric since I have funny eating patterns.
A lot of people snapped at me today.
I thought there was pretty much zero communication. And I felt this really irritated tone. Fine.
My mom called my dad an idiot.
cos he didn't want to fetch me. so she did.
I feel so bad. Maybe I should have gone home myself. (It was 11.15pm)
Now they're arguing and I wish they would stop.
Dad's pretty worked up. It's 12 plus and he's still working because one of his ITE students is a highly-suspected SARS case, so I can comprehend his frustration since the idiot got it by going to a party.
He just snapped at me for something minor. Sigh.
I miss my outings with Huifang at coffeeclub/starbucks. Sigh.
I miss having precious time alone with Fontane and Yirong.
I miss happy times.
I miss carefree times.
Maybe I shouldn't take good sound for granted. I should work on my sound. And technicality. And musicality.
I don't fucking care for the solo in JapGrafV alright?
If you want it take it. I don't even wanna play.
Told Nick I feel like sitting at the beach or something and talk to a good friend through out the night. About everything. Yep. Will do that after my A's.
Everything after the A's.
Yep. Oh yes Yingni you look fantabulastic on stage today, will always support you babe. :)
05:00 p.m.,Friday, April 25, 2003
Okay. Will gear myself up for a long day tmr. Hope GP CT goes well, thou' I don't expect that #$%$ ol' grinch will let me get off the hook so easily.
fine print: By the way. VJC and NTU will be playing. I've solos scattered around. Please come! For DHSSB people, we'll be playing Fantasy Variations. (!!!) I'm still playing Var 15 solo! Supportsupport...
-End of pause-
Oh yes...Been having lotsa deja vu these few days... Wonder whether it's just pure coincidence.
And my dreams revolve around icecream, driving cars and having polygamy marriages. Hahaha.
11:29 a.m.,Thursday, April 24, 2003
Aye, told you I liked to whine non-stop already.
Now he wants me to change to a metal mouthpiece and work more musically for Praise. Hello...My technicalities aren't perfect but I have little doubt in my musicality. -insulted-
Like play with normal S80 mouthpiece for Praise, then switch to the bloody metal one and change my sound for Jap Graf.
I still have stage fright. Shit.
Maybe I can showcase my versatility. {hahhahaa}
I can play classical AND jazz all at once. {more laughter}
Grace is a terrific saxophone player. {pukes}
10:57 p.m.,Tuesday, April 22, 2003
But oh well. Here it is. It’s just a fucking culmination of stuff. I am whining, so if you don’t want to read on, stop here. It all happened yesterday.
I gave my Mom the results slip on Sunday night, 11.30pm to sign precisely cos I wanted to avoid the scenario of my dad getting angry. But she made a fuss afterall, and my Dad couldn’t sleep. He told me to work hard the next morning, and he wasn’t frowning for once. I was not what you called relieved. But I felt immensely guilty because I let my Dad down. I know he’s very proud of us both, yet my results slip is the result of my underperforming. He’s trying so hard to help me, he takes time and effort to discuss issues with me, and I don’t appreciate it even though my Dad’s already tied up at the office. I know I let him down, and I really want to be serious.
I told him that I would, and this time I was serious. “I’m very happy you say you want to pia, because the last time you told me that end of sec3, your grades picked up and you did get 6 points. So you can do it Grace.”
I was grateful for the fact that he didn’t scold me, one of the rare times that he didn’t frown.
I never like being compared with other people, esp. those close to me. Like my parents used to put me on par with Fontane, and it didn’t help that my best friend used to be top in class. I told them that I needed my OWN target, not to reach someone else’s standard. So never compare me with other people. Like say “Why can she produce such grades and you can’t?”
Like fucking get a life. I hate it. You may not agree because comparison is inevitable, but I beg to differ.
Well. It’s the only way to open up I guess. To put it here because I think if I tell my buddies this, I’ll probably break down again. I just hope I pick up the pieces of my life and put them together again before it’s too late.
09:38 p.m.,Saturday, April 19, 2003
Oh and I was doing some bottom-shaking-hair-raising-dance to Red Hot Chili Peppers- Can’t Stop that left my sister in guffaws. Think I’ve gotten infected with SARS. Shake-Ass-Rapidly-Syndrome.
11:15 p.m.,Friday, April 18, 2003
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
Going through what I should not put myself through.
I really hope you make it do you think we'll make it
we're running keep holding my hand
so we don't get seperated.
I know you caused that rift, and that is pulling me away from everyone. You fucking gave me all those problems, and I'll never fully regain my life if I don't let you go.
So please give me a chance? Just leave me alone please, if you even take into account of what I've gone through for you...
08:51 p.m.,Friday, April 18, 2003
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Cute Flirt
What Kind of FLIRT are you?
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your bitch.
What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
11:16 p.m.,Tuesday, April 15, 2003
I'm still reeling from shock even though the call was 1 hour ago.
The conversation was rather funny thou'. It was revolving around shit like "Hey did you miss me all the while I was in?" and then "Yes la...maybe your girlfriend should be the one huh?!"
ACK I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN DEDICATED ONE ENTRY TO THIS...
12:04 a.m.,Sunday, April 13, 2003
That whatever I do, I have outstretched hands ready to catch me when I fall.
That they give me a space in their hearts, and for tolerating me as a friend.
There are things we can’t do, like in an all girl group, or all guy group, but yes, there’s certainly variety.
I love you peeps.
09:10 p.m.,Friday, April 11, 2003
7.25pm
You won't understand unless you lose your wallet too.
06:30 p.m.,Friday, April 11, 2003
2. My Warrens Country Club Card
3. My CC cards and all other funny cards
4. All my pictures
5. Fucking $80 bucks which I saved and I owe people.
6. Sentimental stuff that people gave to me, all my cards and letters.
01:27 a.m.,Tuesday, April 8, 2003
She cut him off, amidst the pain within. She was already building a barrier between them; yet he had laid the foundations of it.
He started stroking her hair, an action, no doubt repeated endless of times in the period that they were together. Tears were still flowing from his eyes, those ever-expressive eyes that cried out to her.
Come back and hold me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.
12:18 a.m.,Tuesday, April 8, 2003
12:52 a.m.,Sunday, April 6, 2003
1. Taxi 3 with Weiwen at Cineleisure on Friday, after breakfast at TM MacDonald’s. That’s insanity.
2. Monsoon Wedding – movienight yesterday. Well. Half of it. It’s a bloody racist movie.
3. Road to Perdition – I think I wept. Amazing.
4. The Ring. I thought I closely resembled one of the characters.
5. The Ninth Gate. It was so dark and sinister but it was so transfixing I had to finish it. Anyway, Johnny Depp is a superb portrayal of the character. And a plus point is he’s droolicious, except maybe in the movie he looked a tad unkempt.
6. Coyote Ugly. I watched it after steamboat dinner and 6 shots + a beer.
You need to wake up Grace…
You’re too fucking smug for your own good… You’re in the bottom of the class, and you were a bloody 6 pointer.
Get a grip on life… Wake UP. People aren’t as bad as you think.
There are so many people dear to you… stop running away from your self-imposed burdens…
10:33 p.m.,Thursday, April 3, 2003
We went to Bugis after that to go MUJI. Then we started talking in Cantonese and saying
“Hey, so expensive, go back HK and buy la”
“Cannot, now our apartment got SARS, better stay here”
And guess what, people started giving us funny looks. Haha.
Bought my yummy Jap mini sponge cakes. Drools for more. Topshop, Miss Selfridge and Dorothy Perkins were a disappointment, I couldn’t find anything nice. Well, and there was a pervert on the MRT. Shan’t elaborate, but oh boy if I see him again he’s dead.
Sigh. What memories. How I miss those days. I’d give up anything to go back. Not saying that I don’t like the people now, but those days were so much simpler…
06:41 p.m.,Wednesday, April 2, 2003
12:46 p.m.,Wednesday, April 2, 2003
01:22 a.m.,Tuesday, April 1, 2003
But before that I wasn't really feeling good. Maybe it's 'cos I've been in an abysmal mood these few days, so I was just overreacting to some stuff. Whenever someone pisses me off or upsets me, I never ever tell the person in the face. I guess I'll have to learn to cope with what other people say. A weakness is that I don't like talking about it to them. I can be very touchy at times, like how I almost cried just now.
Or maybe it was just my contact lens.
And just as well, I am most certainly pissed with people who sms me "Hey what you doing now? Wanna chat? Call me?" WTF. I am in no mood to pander to your needs as and when you want and I'm most definitely not a very agreeable person right now. I don't want to be a recluse and shut everybody out of my life, so please lend a hand and give me some space. Stop breathing down my neck!