relax
12:09 a.m. ,Saturday, June 28, 2003 watching teevee
Okay I'm relaxed...
Amazed at my irate stupidity.
breathe in...breathe out....
I'm fine...really.
And my speech has returned to normal cos apparently I have stopped slurring. Haha.
+++
long expletivefilled entry.
10:09 p.m. ,Friday, June 27, 2003 watching teevee
wtf is wrong with you bitch you think you can lord over everyone in the house with your whogivesadamn face do you think we all owe you a living just cos you are spoilt and pampered by mom and dad fuck you-no. stop shouting I don't even shout at mom that way and not at your decibels if its your mistake then shutup and stop yelling you think fucking crying and screaming is going to solve the problem but it aint going to! you sit there with that sullen downcast face with the headphones on facing the computer or hogging the damntv every single minute you're in this house and you expect all of us to serve you right then you're fucking wrong cos I expect some appreciation from that mouth of yours and not some unkindly yelling when I have to bring the damned phone to you cos your damned friend calls at some unearthly hour on a regular basis! you say I don't treat you like how your stupid friends' sisters do show me proof you bitch I help you with your fucking lousy math you get into math olympiad then you turn the tables and insult me fine I share my entire wardrobe with you help you choose nice clothes that I buy myself and lend you my nicest bags and shoes to go out and you jolly well refuse to help me take a fucking piece of paper? I bought a schoolbag for you so your friends won't laugh at your old one and you sit there with nary a hint of acknowledgement? YOU TELL ME. Who woke up early this morning to clear your room along with aunty so you can get a nice new bed? Who had to sleep on the floor curled up under the fucking table so you could stretch out your long limbs AND still toss and turn on the mattress when there was limited floor room? Who always gives way to you no matter you're right or wrong? Thanks girl. I won't stop doing anything because you're my sister but we don't owe you a living and you better stop yelling at us before I really get incensed.
I need some peace and quiet in this damn house cos the renovations are causing enough chaos.
uhh don't say a thing about the expletives up there I know I said I'll try to stop. but then.
Thanks to this incessant cacophony my psyched up mood for maths and physics has now magically disappeared. wonderful.
He came over to study earlier in the day. Lucky. Missed all this melodramatic shit plus the sight of me trying to breathe in breathe out in deep breaths cos some idiot's stomping around the house like what, the Incredible Hulk?
common tests results pretty much confirmed, nice fat F's leaving their mark behind.
so unbelievably grateful for all this shit. I'm sure.
If you managed to read till here by now, tell me I'm still sane and you understand allthecrapisaid. Ohgreaticanteventalkproperlynow...
+++
airpork
10:23 p.m. ,Wednesday, June 25, 2003 watching teevee
My eye hurts like crazy..think my lenses are seriously screwed up yet again :(
Went to airport to study today with Terese and JR..my efficiency is really low! But still. I had fun!
He gave me a rose today...sigh. So sweet. :) Now I can't say I'm envious of Terese or SH...lol.
Think there were lotsa VJ pple at the airport today, and alot of ppl saw us yeah..Met Wei and Esther too.
anyway..I've got nothing much to blog...my mind's a blank these days, I feel like I'm morphing into a bimbo. Oh gosh. Whatever it is...I feel absolutely pampered everyday!
Hope everything is going in the right direction...cos I'm falling deeper...and we're definitely closer yes. :)
I'm so going to get my Roxy jeans plus Ripcurl wallet. I swear I swear...after I get past the measly five dollars left for the rest of this week. haha.
No yirong dear..how could I tell you when I don't see you at all...yea...don't sulk...haha :)
+++
~bliss~
11:53 p.m. ,Monday, June 23, 2003 watching teevee
Ahh! I'm on cloud nine now! (as cliche as it may sound)
Finally found nemo! And had soupworks for dinner. ;) Then I saw this really nice brown Roxy wallet..but pity I'm really broke. hey you don't have to get it for me really...it's not a necessity..I can live with this old one!
Then headed down to Esplanade....was really beautiful. Sigh. Esp when we were at the Waterfront. Hmm.
Then sent me home...that was reallllly sweet. -delirious-
So HAPPY!!!!!
haha. I'm smiling like a bigcock infront of the screen...
everything I do, I do it for you
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
+++
scared
12:57 a.m. ,Monday, June 23, 2003 watching teevee
nth much happened today, but SH! YOU GOT STH SWEET! :)
AWWWW. So envious! Heh. I swore you were blushing so obviously la! And it's damn nice...really....
happy for you girl. hope you will stay this way.
yeah. Looking forward to tmr.
[edit] I don't have to be scared anymore..
cos I have you by my side...
in times of happiness or despair
cos u love me for who I am...
ur entry cleared my doubts...thanks babe...
+++
sing for the moment
11:43 p.m. ,Saturday, June 21, 2003 watching teevee
halo kabu...you found this afterall...keep it to yourself..you better.you're like my BIG BROTHER.haha.
sorry for this...wtf am I doing...being snappy and volatile. don't wanna take it out on you. urh. fckinhell.
I demand too much...uhh...wtf I better stop this...it should be selfless giving...like unconditional love...get this in my dull head...
Guess the way you said it betrayed the state you're convincing yourself to be in. I don't know what to reply everytime you say that. I really want to be tactful and all regarding this issue..but apparently it takes 2 hands to clap.
ever thought about the things you(all) say may be quite piercing and stabbing...just that I don't say anything..doesn't mean it doesn't hurt...
One moment life may seem bleak..another moment it may be all rosy and pretty...but then again, somethings nv do go away do they...
It feels funny to be so delirious one day and fkup the next.
Anyway. Went all the way to BoonLay for practice with NTU. urg. Wasn't too good. Felt as if we were invaders and esp. for us cos I took away the Fantasy solos and we left early too...like we were bigshots or sth. Whatever.
Then I went to Starbucks..met Terese and Ivy...and they left shortly thereafter..leaving me alone to rot there. Managed to get like 1 chapter of physics into this dense skull..before w called abt sth...and I spent 1/2 hr on my HP(!).
Lugged that damn instrument home...was quite a bad day today...supremely pissed off..but what can I say. I shouldn't take it out on anyone. It's nobody's fault.
Don't feel like blogging. Tmr I'm going in my pyjs to Starbucks. Meeting Fon to exchange stuff...and get my new bikini.
Sorry..I really wanna tell you stuff.just that I don't know what's wrong today... :(
+++
delirious!
10:19 p.m. ,Friday, June 20, 2003 watching teevee
haha. Went to make my IC at SIR today...well I had to weave my story so that it sounded like my wallet was stolen...and not misplaced...so I get to waiver half of the fee! lol.
Then I went to Sakae for a donburi set...and the mayo-ebi killed me. Tummy was really uneasy, so I couldn't really eat all the salmon I wanted. Hardly do I get a chance to squeeze my Mom dry..urgh.
Bought breadtalk, went lib and only finished Periodic Table + Transition Elements today...wasted.
Hmm. Hope you will be okay tmr...sounded really bad today...pls take medication...nono and wusses dont take medication..so u better do.
Had 5star chicken rice for dinner then Haagen Daz's Sweet Temptation for dessert! YUM. :) The chicken rice rox I can never get enough of it..
Went home finally...and the way you asked was damn cute really =) Haha.
I guess I have nothing much to blog huh..all mundane matters...think when you're happy the blog becomes sortof useless...
+++
gosh.
02:11 a.m. ,Friday, June 20, 2003 watching teevee
To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
- Bill Wilson -
Gosh. You just killed me with that...
+++
hugx
12:00 a.m. ,Friday, June 20, 2003 watching teevee
Yep. Absolutely agree with you Terese! Delighted for everyone too. You,Sh,Zhao,Jon =) Grab your own happiness my dears.
Uhh pinch me, is it real? I can't believe that it's actually happening...yeah. guys who are so sweet and caring must be extinct huh...
But they aren't! Look at your ATM ter! And sh, your NSboy! Yeah. Frankly speaking..I was really touched cos I didn't expect you to do that...
A lot of things have been happening I guess, and I just wanna thank you for doing all those little things..cos it does matter to me...and I really do appreciate it.
Thanks for making me smile at the dumbest of times, for making me feel better by buying what I needed for me, for offering to bring food/jacket/umbrella when I said I was hungry/cold/it's raining, for bringing the shirt for me to change cos you thought I was going to be drenched, for showing so much care and concern that even I the dumbass self-proclaimed Guru am speechless, for giving in to me all the time...yeh. =) you deserved that jus now!
Fon gives her full support. haha.
Didn't manage to study much at MP lib today, cos Kev, HZ and her sis were there and there was quite a commotion...plus the 2 freaky guys...what a day.
Making my IC tmr, then off to MP lib again, I have designated it my permanent hangout. lol.
Uhh guess a lot of pple know already huh...and lotsa rumours flying around. I shouldn't care anyway...really happy today =)
+++
painpainx
11:16 p.m. ,Wednesday, June 18, 2003 watching teevee
Uhh.there's a big grace on my arm now, thanks to my lovely pencil etching its mark.hmm.
had hotcakes breakfast, then studied at MP lib today...yay I got fluids IN! =) the last hr I totally switched off...talked cock.
Anyway it's really sweet of u for today. yea. thanks...quite speechless.
walked home after that, haven't done that in a while, but yea it didn't feel so long.
why clumsy...? =) uhh. dunnoe...shan't say much.
quite disappointed...but it's okay..
there's econs tmr morng. till then.
and it's okay really =) haha.
+++
bliss
12:32 a.m. ,Wednesday, June 18, 2003 watching teevee
Morning rain.Econs boring.MP lib studying acceptable.
Tmr continues with the battle, minus Econs since I'd choose Hotcakes over gng to sch anytime.
The gist: it's bliss =)
minus the mugging, minus the lack of sleep, minus the dull lacklustre skin, minus the darn renovations, yep. I'm happy!
Sth really funny too, right Jonny?
Gd night. =)
+++
happy =)
11:05 p.m. ,Monday, June 16, 2003 watching teevee
the workshop today was well. rather fun I guess. It was really side-splitting at times, that I gotta admit thanks to the antics of this guy who nv existed till now in my entire VJ life. lol. Some moments were priceless.
I'm an ID! :) well it's expected isn't it. So it matches my career interest anyway. Law here I come! Or broadcasting. Either way I'm determined to kick some ass.
Went to watch How to lose a guy in 10 days. Well I only watch romance movies with predictable endings when shows like Finding Nemo is sold out. Uhh. Haven't even watched XMenII and MatrixReload. I'm lagging like hell. Wanna watch so many shows cos the trailers seem so enticing!
Had Mos for dinner, finally satiated my cravings for ...a day? =) Hmm saw Weiyi and her friends too. Triple smiles today! Too bad I didn't go out with the guys thou. Uhh. Soon? promise.
yea. Thanks for bringin the jacket cos I said I was cold...yep. That's really sweet...plus the card too. really =)
there's 3 days of econs in a row..gosh. well I guess I really gotta mug like hell after that. been slacking for too long...need inspiration.
Realise I have lotsa =) in this entry. How sporadic.
Time has made it easier for me to be certain..though it still seems so intangible...what am I trying to grasp anyway. only time will tell...
+++
longlonglong!
09:48 p.m. ,Sunday, June 15, 2003 watching teevee
Long entry I forsee...
Woke up late on Saturday, went for DHSSB anniversary. Hmm felt funny cos I can't recognize the majority, but it felt gd meeting up with the rest and listening to the concert. They sounded really good, albeit the volume, or the lack thereof. Think it was after our SYF when MrNG heard the comments. ...
Went to study with Terese after that at Starbucks, then headed down to Roland's for an early Father's Day dinner with my parents. Sister was at her bestfriend's birthday party so I got to act bratty and ordered anything I want.
hah. AlmondOAT crispy prawns are the best, that I assure.
Slept at 5am yesterday...wokeup at an unearthly time of 1pm...urg. Slacked around until Zhao, Jason and Baorong dropped by. Would have biked with them too, except my bike is non-existent, or should we say, the tires are a bit miniscule. They were on this crazy biking thing, and Zhao looked like a cock in his helmet. Lol.
Had a very good dinner (obviously cos I cooked it) and Mom turned so red after a few glasses of wine I started laughing hysterically with my Dad and sis.
Family time is good. If there were less shouting incidents it would be perfect...
prpr u okay? I'm sorry. Didn't know how to put it across as neutrally as possible. Really don't know what to say either. Know its my fault too. Hope you'll be happy...Don't be envious...you deserve such too. love you lots k?
Yeah. Rachie hope things are better? It's a rough time but be strong yea. I'm sure he'll understand...
To lenoil and jon: Yea. The passage below sure relates huh. Though I guess it's in a different context for all 3 of us. Whatever it may be, I hope that you'll pull thru lionel. Sunshine after the rain. :)
Jonny! Treasure her! If you don't go thru downs...you won't appreciate the ups...my best wishes dear boy.
Zhaobin too. Don't worry abt what others think. Just follow that dear heart of yours. :)
Nicky I love you too! Know we've been drifting apart...and I can be a lil' petty at times..but I guess we do appreciate each other a lot...Let's work out a day for the bestests? =)
Fonny. Be strong. I love you the most.
Shihui and Terese! Be happy. Shihui I'll -snap- my fingers and you'll be happy. I guarantee! lol. Terese...quite cute tog too :D
rong-us! that's what I always call u huh. sorry if I seem a lil snappy. But I love you lots too. Just want you to be real happy.
the rest..miss u lots!
Woah. I'm getting rather friendship-y now. =)
Feels funny talking to all 3 of them now...well it's all part of me isn't it. I guess I just gotta accept it, lest the depression sets in again.
Am so surprised at how sweet some ppl can be to the ppl that they really like. =)
approaching this with much apprehension.nevertheless i hope none of us get hurt...
+++
FEAR OF LOVING
01:51 a.m. ,Saturday, June 14, 2003 watching teevee
by S. Hall Zilla
I'm afraid to love again,
I ask you to understand,
The only one I ever loved
Left my heart a barren land.
I'm afraid fulfillment would elude me,
In a lifetime... does it ever come twice?
Anything less would surely undo me,
I choose not to pay that price.
I'm afraid to again feel the pain,
That consumed me in the end.
I couldn't bear it this time,
As my unsuspecting heart did then.
I'm afraid to give my all---
‘Tho you promise the same in return,
Love may again flee,
Like the "genie" from a magical urn.
And to give less than my all,
would be unfair to you.
You deserve so much more,
A love dedicated and true.
I want to love again,
In the way I'm capable of,
I will not settle for less,
I yearn for abiding love.
At this moment I have nothing to hope for,
Nothing else to give...
I've been robbed of one of life's treasures,
It's main reason to live.
I am so vulnerable at this time,
I fear what my actions will be,
I will not make a decision
Until my heart is free.
I love you as a friend,
And I want to do what's right,
Let me heal a while longer....
I'll hasten, with all my might.
I need to be worthy of what you offer,
So there's no loss... only gain.
I never want to cause anyone,
This kind of endless pain.
Please... be patient with me.
+++
mmm.
09:09 p.m. ,Friday, June 13, 2003 watching teevee
slept at 5am this morning, woke up groggily at 8am and rushed to band. Lips are in bad condition, repeat, lips are in BAD CONDITION.
Woke up and found this realllllly interesting sms from Zhao. Silly little boy finally told her. :) Be happy my buddy.
Went for lunch with Terese, Ivy and April at Pastamania! Yummy. On the way back for woodwinds combined I saw Wei with his sis...plus WC at the bus-stop..and immediately he asked whether *ahem*mrrss.*ahem*kweeek*ahem* was there. ;) -ducks- [gosh I just did another pun. private joke.]
Laoshi wants us to go NTU for practice...ack. It's on a little island by itself. SO FAR AWAY I squirm at the mere thought of practice ending late. Well I'm honoured he thinks I'm good..but I can't be perfect to HIS stringent expectations all the time...
Guess I just gotta work on my fundamentals...and the hectic band schedule for the upcoming concerts is one hell of a rollercoaster.
Went with Terese to Bugis after woodwinds..with the [shihui coined this term] cardless ATM and JR. I think it was a bit awkward so we split up eventually. And the bag shop was closed so I had to settle for some other one. Ack.
Decided that I should get WhiteMuskEDP since it smells absolutely heavenly. =)
DHSSB anniversary tmr. BUT we have to go back in an attire that proves we're either Yr1s or Yr2s. -grr- Oh yes. I forgot who the conductor was. Urg.
Will be off to study I guess, provided Terese doesn't go withdraw more money...lol.
one last piece of gd news : Mom's buying me a 7250 for my birthday present! -HUGE GRIN-
+++
just a few
09:18 p.m. ,Thursday, June 12, 2003 watching teevee
studied at MP lib with Ivy, Terese , Shihui and Yuanqin. didn't get as much work done as I would have liked, but then again I'm too ambitious.
Terese you lucky girl. Get the atm rolling. Drop me one from the sky too please. I think I'll make a great bitch on Joe's Millionaire. :) Materialistic slut me.
Band tmr, then off to Bugis to get a new bag. :) (Quick now's the signal to drop the atm!)
sometimes we get embroiled in our friend's lives too much...
Not say I don't like being an important part of their lives...
But when it does revolve around their problems..
It gets too tiring.
what makes you think I can give you the ans you're looking for if I can't even solve my own problems...
really wanna help..but have you ever thought that maybe you can't always expect me to solve your problems for you...
I can be there to listen...not all the time..but I'll try...
burdens shared with a friend is half the burden...
I will support you...lend a very attentive listening ear...and try to help you think of answers..
but sometimes maybe we should reflect on the things we say...because they may have serious repercussions that we never thought could happen
Decision making is risky..there's no guarantee what you choose is right..but I support you (all) no matter what...
Is it right to feel this way
Maybe I don't have the capacity to get into anything right now..
Are we falling in love with the idea of falling in love
with the wrong person sometimes
how do we define love...we can't..we just know
then why is it so difficult to justify the things we do sometimes?
like kev..hopelessly in love with hz..dear boy I hope you know what you're doing
as friends it pains us to see you so despondent day in day out..
and ys..sometimes feeling tired may only be a rest point in a rship..there may be a long journey ahead..for both of you..but if you know you're making the right choice...
then I'm behind you buddy..
I said so much, and I realised..if I can't see any future...then why-
if things were simpler like in secsch or sth..
"eh I like somebody ley"
"whowho tell me!" -shrieks-
"don't want la shyshy. paiseh la!"
"tell la tell la" -nudgenudge-
"u guess lor" (it shld be pretty obvious by now)
a whole lot of names come out
"no la."
"then who?"
"You lor."
usually ends up with few reactions,
1.turn red immediately,skirt ard the issue,then avoid all contact until it tides over,
2."really ah! i like you too!", "how?steady not?" ,"k lor." or
3."really ah! i like you too!", "HAHA BLUFF YOU."
Hmm. everything was so simple then.
I realised I just ranted one whole entry of trash. anyone actually comes here? pls leave a note so that I'll try to think I'm actually talking to someone.
+++
tired
07:51 p.m. ,Wednesday, June 11, 2003 watching teevee
I was so burnt out that I didn't notice I had cut my lowerlip and it bled all over my reed during band. Yuk. Either Terese or Jianwei spotted it and everyone was pretty grossed out. Oh well.
Aprilyn didn't come today, and we weren't concentrating evidently. HF didn't come back! You promised. :(
Went to MP lib to attempt a thorough readthru of econs, apparently I fell asleep and woke up to find Terese deep in slumber right across me. Haha. We're such...tired people.
SMS-ed SH just then, and turns out she was walking OUT of the lib, so we excitedly met and started yakking really loudly. We're meeting tmr for Mac's breakfast at 9.30 before invading the lib for a full-day session of work.
As much as I don't like it...but I need to. :(
Must get back into the momentum which I had and prove them suckers wrong.
Hmm. Me and SH are stuck in the same boat afterall I guess, aren't we?
It's difficult to learn to love again...
Do you love someone for who he/she is?
What if you don't know the real him/her?
Are there things that can be kept under wraps forever...
I never regret the things I did..
Maybe I regret the choice I made...
but it did help me differentiate between good and bad ultimately
perchance it gave me good experience
always doubting myself yet I guess it was really noone's fault..
why should it be so painful
I don't know for sure...but I guess Jon you're right..
There's no such thing as unconditional love..
We have to work for it..and I don't know whether I want to...
+++
loveuall.
01:45 a.m. ,Wednesday, June 11, 2003 watching teevee
Band chalet was great...missed seeing all of them...We had a veryyy good time gossiping haha, squeezed lots out of everyone, including myself :(
Terese la.
There was lots of screaming. LOTS.
Basically pigged out and caught up with everyone, can't wait for this Sat so we can all meet again.
Aprilyn's class was having chalet there too, their bbq pit was like opposite from ours, lol.
Left with much regrets, at least there are beds there compared to this damnable warzone.
Woke up this morn to the sound of drilling, amazingly I plopped right back to bed(or in this case, the floor.)
It's like the Sahara Desert shifted here, my hair feels dusty after 1 hr of sitting down.
yukk. Please put a quick end to this torture.
Feeling as if I rolled down the stairs and landed on a porcupine. My whole body is aching, and I'm thirsting for Peach Red Bubble tea at 2am in the morning.
Haha.
Oh yes. Fon's classmate committed suicide yesterday. Seems like everyone knows already.
It's sad. Very traumatic for the people around her, esp. her family. It's just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. She must have been at her breaking point...
I wonder whether anybody bothered to help her...
I guess we never see it coming huh...Life's so unpredictable...
It's so precious..guess we gotta treasure it...
Death's never something to be taken lightly..esp. when you have seen it in your face before.
It's your life..but there are ppl who love you..what about them if you choose to go?
There are so many beautiful things in life to behold...what makes it so bad that we have to give up this only chance to see it...
I don't know, just feeling reallllly sad.
My deepest condolences.
i may not be able to stand by your side
all the time...
i may not be able to hold your hand
all the time...
i may not be able to be there for you
all the time...
but I can try.
i need space
but have you ever held someone and hoped time stopped
so it would never have to end?
to keep those precious moments still
but it's impossible...tucking them deep into the memory archives...
+++
mundane stuff
08:05 p.m. ,Monday, June 9, 2003 watching teevee
I'm going to babble in random order...Think I'm blogging for the sake of updating...lol.
My sms bill is so going to explode, I dread for it to come because I've been sms-ing a lot of ppl these days. Oh well. The incessant drone of the vibrating alert gets on my nerves now.
My house is like a warzone with the ongoing renovations, and the whole family is cramping into my room, which also means I can’t do anything at all! Talk on the phone, no, study, no, watch my favourite TV shows, NO cos there're 3 other ppl fighting for the google box...
The ENTIRE house is covered with cardboard, especially my stairs. It’s dusty and I have to wear my slippers around, not mentioning the buzz of the vacuuming is driving me mad enough to roll down the padded stairs...
I CAN'T STUDY IN THIS HOUSE! I'm going to camp at Mac’s near my house...oh help me...
Band was okay, wonder if I should skip a practice...Sigh but Wed is going to be real long. :(
Oh well. It's pretty boring these days. But I guess it was a rocky past week, and hmm. I guess there're new stuff?
Yep, and Nicky my bestest, pls do share your burdens with us/me, because a shared burden is lighter. Understand that you need some time alone, but don’t shut us out alright? We are all very concerned... Love you lots no matter what!
Ok. Time to go find my way around this warzone...
+++
arg
02:25 a.m. ,Sunday, June 8, 2003 watching teevee
I'm reallllly perplexed.
I really don't know what to do now...
It feels all too surreal.
It's not as if I'm not one hellof a screwed up person…
Hellllp.
+++
-faints-
10:54 p.m. ,Saturday, June 7, 2003 watching teevee
dumbass FONTANE LIANG GUOTING!
She recorded the entire conversation I had with her just now! And there was so much incriminating evidence.
If you ever blackmail me...I'm not going to talk to you for the no. of years I know you...12 years!
And you're having fun laughing at it...PUTTING IT ON SHUFFLE ON YOUR MD!!!
I'm so going to faint
pass me smelling salts...
Hope mark's better...I think he's destroyed by the match...
+++
yukkk
07:56 p.m. ,Saturday, June 7, 2003 watching teevee
Hmm. Okay love you lots too prpr. Hope you're feeling muchmuch better. I really don't want to hide anything from you, so glad you understand. I hope as time passes you'll feel better...cos I don't know how else to do...
Love you lots too sh! :) official confidantes, lol.
Went to sch early in the morn for sectionals, only 4 ppl turned up so we ended early, and I was playing perc in the bandroom..the cymbals and all. It was hilarious cos we were trying to play national anthem..haha.
Ltr went to meet SH AND Ducky at Orchard, we thronged frm PS to Heeren to Far East to Pac Plaza then Lido. Whew. Saw Fiona twice too, haha she looks like a mama! :) Saw YQ too, hmm.
hmm. Hope I wasn't being a huge lightbulb today. Got back and was sms-ing sh while I was on the bed..So we have reached the same conclusion :)
It's such an eventful week, haha. ;) dear you know what I mean..Found out abt many new things haha.
Hmm. And my gastric has been acting up real serious, screwed up digestive system I have. Pondering over whether I have something in my stomach cos I feel full all the time yet I suffer from gastric and puke out everything I eat. I lost 1.5 kg in 3 days! If it continues I'm going to lose more...arg.
yuk. the nauseous feeling is horrid.
Blacked out twice for a few seconds just now, anaemia getting to me again. Screwed up.
Maybe I have nothing better to do than to whine huh?
And yea..Appreciate the gesture this morn, was really sweet. Yep.
+++
bonds
12:35 a.m. ,Saturday, June 7, 2003 watching teevee
I don't know whether you'll read this...
Don't say that...I don't know what to say to you too.
No matter how much I say I guess it invariably boils down to me playing a part too...
I am really so sorry...no matter how guilty I feel..but I want you to know we are still great friends?
5 years..going through alot of shit together..
I don't know whose fault is this, guess there's always room for pointing fingers everytime sth screws up..but I know it's partly my fault alright?
I know how you feel...must be betrayal..cos you'll say "Why her?"
The feeling sucks. I totally empathize.
It's not as if I don't know how you're coping...
A part of me is torn out too...
And I really want to say..I never will betray you...
Frankly I don't know what to say..words can't describe what I'm feeling now..
Don't try to shift the blame from me..I know you're really distraught
Feel so bad for causing this.
You do have a right to let it out..I didn't want things to turn out this way..
Friendships are so impt to me, every single one..
Reading it was like a stab to me.. although I expected it
But I didn't expect the severity of the situation
That's just me, insensitive and all
I don't know what I'm doing..
But I know for sure, I don't want to see you so upset cos it makes me upset too..
And I also know I will do anything to see you cheer up..
I'm so sorry..I really don't know what to do now...
+++
disappointment
10:55 p.m. ,Friday, June 6, 2003 watching teevee
The soccer guys lost to JJC today with penalty kicks, drawing at 1-1 even after extended time. It was really sad.
They are the best, it's apparent. The equalizer shld nv have happened, and the penalty kicks were just sheer luck. I guess they must have felt really bad, think Mark cried.
Sigh. If it would have helped, the whole school would have thronged onto the pitch and hugged all of the boys.
Feels like band..Esp the yr2s, they had the burden of carrying the championship for the 3rd year..yet they lost.
Strangely familiar, that aching pain.
Walked to Lot One after the match, then took the train home..walked home again. I'm doing alot of walking these days huh.
Gastric acting up too.
Yeah. There's nothing really...
Now I know how you feel la...
Sigh. Confused...like hell.
And I pray hard that my life remains this way, without anyone trying to butt in whenever they like again.
+++
orrrcharrrd
10:44 p.m. ,Thursday, June 5, 2003 watching teevee
Hmm. I'm so sorry for today. It was something innocent and it blew out of proportions. Well. Please don't angry la prpr? Sigh. Don't know what to say also. I didn't really do anything.
But I know it's still partly my fault it happened and screwed up my day.
Got back from Orchard a while ago, all the stupid bags are not on sale! Those that are like 20% or 50% even are the uglier ones..
couldn't manage to get anything, think cos it was the end of the day and everywhere was closing..and I reached there quite late =(
yea. I won't say anything more because I don't want people to misunderstand...
I really hope things will be fine.
Thanks Wei for being there, hope you feeling better. :)
Having gastric now, exacerbated by half a carton of applealoevera juice. lol. And not mentioning going hungry the entire day lest for a muesli bar. Hmm.
Tmr's Soccer FINALS! Against JJC. Go VJ!
So tired. Ambivalence.. Shall go sleep soon?
Oh yeah...his BMT ends today. Hmm. How fast... I shall not waver I shall not WAVER I shall not WAVER....
+++
lifeisgood
10:51 p.m. ,Wednesday, June 4, 2003 watching teevee
markaroni: ya...
markaroni: cute guy online
Jaded`: lol
markaroni: but hes leaving in 5
markaroni: 4
markaroni: 3
markaroni: 2
markaroni: 1
* markaroni has quit IRC (Quit ())
Hahhaa. Stupid Mark.
The entire surrounding region of my right eye is swollen and puffy, like I got punched. The whole day I've been getting jabs like "Hey, got punched?" or "Let me punch the left to even the right."
Frick. I look horrific.
Face keeps swelling these days due to allergies. =(
No la. Relax k sh girl? =) Anyway I don't see the big deal...just normal stuff. Life's great anyway.
Hope everyone's happy!
School was super slack! Not really. But I'm in the hols mood.
Had a nice lunch (okay it's at parkway) with Nick, Ibis, Jonny and Zhao. Treated Nicky, now I'm broke. =(
It's okay la. He was reallly broke.
Band was very exhaustive today, and I cut my lips again..had blood over the reed. yuk. Can imagine Yingni saying "Hey babe take carex of your lippex k?" hee. =)
I so want the mosaic tiles in my toilet when they renovate it! Like purplish. So retro. And the nice basin yummy. But I think my Dad has badtaste. Really bad taste. Anyone who suggests maroon and blue for tiles should go knock their head.
Oh. And I suddenly feel veryveryvery bad about something. Aye. Sorry k?
+++
friendship-y
09:16 p.m. ,Tuesday, June 3, 2003 watching teevee
ooh feeling friendship-y right now.
bought stuff today at Orchard, ran into the expected ppl and Kev who was shopping alone.
Very happy right now, with a hint of ambivalence though.. =)
To the ppl who are reading this, you know who you are...YOU CAN TRUST ME!
If you are worried I'll laugh to death/squeeze my neck/faint with shock/-insert any other reaction here-about something, it might happen yes, but I will still do my best to help!
Well. It's up to you if you wanna tell me. Don't worry about what you say. It's safe. =)
Haha. I blasted some credit on L'Oreal's Exfotonic. It smells heavenly for a plus point, and the effect after is a MUSTBUY verdict!
And the slimming+firming gel too. Haha. Quick shake your head and sigh "Women..."
Off to read macropolicies before I get decapitated by my Dad.
+++
happY!
11:13 p.m. ,Monday, June 2, 2003 watching teevee
Today's supplement of pics, courtesy of Nicky =)
real tired. Headed down to Parkway for a dose of much needed icecream, then Fon and I bought the really retro glasses from Cargo. Oomph. It shall share the title of "Favourite cup" with the one Nick bud gave me.
Band came and gone, quite satisfied with today's playing. Had the TaeClub Handover, was a bundle of laughs, but then again, none of my business isn't it?
School was barely acceptable, though I'm still in a delectable mood now.
Watched the SARS prog "True Courage" trailer and it was really saddening to see them mourning for their loved ones who departed so suddenly. But then, life is so transient isn't it...Nevertheless it's heartening to see the courage displayed by those on the frontline, so Congrats Singapore!
Shit, I sound like a patriotic Singaporean all of a sudden.
Yep. Shall do a lil' shoppg tmr since it's the GSS!
Oh. And go listen to Lil'Kim and 50 Cent's MagicStick. It's impossibly obscene. Hahah.
Got this off Johnny's site...if you want to cry. Minus the ending, it's all too familiar.
+++
birthdaypics
02:24 p.m. ,Sunday, June 1, 2003 watching teevee
Okay. Only some. I'm too lazy to upload.
+++
nick's birthday
01:05 a.m. ,Sunday, June 1, 2003 watching teevee
in chronological order and disjointed sentences because I'm a walking zombie.
woke up late, missed lectures.
1 msg received:"awake yet?"
i sent: "yea whadup?"
1 msg received:"oh want to treat you to breakfast."
was still sleepy. rubbed my eyes, saw the sender, and immediately my heart started pumping.
frick. wrong reaction.
after more sms-es we concluded he had to sleep, I had to go out, so plans were cancelled.
slacked around as usual
nick msged me to come out earlier.
met him at 5, walked ard heeren, wisma and stuff.
met pple ard, usuals.
finally met jon, zhao and mark for dinner at yakiyuki with nick's family.
super nice. i was the maid/cook/cleaner. It's okay. I am the only girl anyway.
Yummy food, fun stuff, and Mark's a pig. It was really awesome, the way you can shoot water to clean the thing. hahaa.
And then after that we made our own icecream! How cool is that.
Went to play Laser Mania after tt, Me Jon and Zhao trashed the both of them 60-5. That's power. But I had so little stamina I was going to die after the game was over I swear.
12 minutes of running from Mark really took its toll on my heart. haha. Mark just grabbed Jon's vest and shot at it, and it was really physical, I think I crashed into Nick more than once.
And the first rule of the game is "NO RUNNING". Ironic.
zhaobin kept energizing his gun, I asked him to cover me but he didn't so Mark just kept killing me. That was really funny.
We were all hot and thirsthy after that but nevertheless exhilirated.
It's a great day, plus all the dumb pictures we took with the new digicam. :)
reached home and Dad asked if I drank. urgh. I'm speechless at his distrust, even if I did I'd have most probably proudly declare it the moment I stepped in.
Haven't been so happy for a while.
Though it could have been perfect.
Woke up this morng thinking that my dream came true, at least it almost did.
+++