My 2nd Aunt is buying a second-hand car, partially paying for it with her winnings. And my 4th Aunt uses it on weekends too; except the glitch here is that she does not co-own the car. My mom is keeping out of it; it’s the classic case of monetary matters harming a relationship. It’s not cheap, 50-70K. But I think my aunt should fork out something. After all she did use my aunt’s old car rather often too. And she didn’t pay for that either.

I don’t see the point in being a relationship when it requires so much work to keep it going, and both parties suffer from it. There’s a time to let go when it’s not the right one. What’s the point of hanging on to it? Transient moments of happiness don’t constitute reasons for putting up with restrictions and all. I am single but I feel free and unrestricted and I can do whatever (well almost anything) I want without anyone controlling me!
I know I have (Jon too. I think most prob the rest of the guys too) idealistic views on how a relationship should be like; it should bring bliss to both parties, to complete both persons. We expect to walk out of a failed relationship still the same, for things not to change. But the harsh reality is that it’s not always possible, remaining as good friends require a lot of work. Well. I don’t know. Maybe its just personal bad experience.

And I don’t know why I worry so much about what other people think of me. Like I’m not classy enough, or my taste sucks. I don’t know why I allow someone to take control of what I buy, what I wear, what I think is nice. Fuck I have my own tastes, if I think its nice, then you shut up because we’re not the same. I appreciate constructive criticism; in fact I always shop with someone because I need help choosing stuff too.
But when you keep on saying everything I pick/choose/buy is ugly or insert-criticism-here, then you know I really feel fucked up. If I choose to look slutty then so be it, or if I fucking dress like a prostitute, I like it this way!
“where are the slutty clothes, bring them on!”
So what if I put on weight? So what if I have a big ass? It’s like I let other people determine how I dress, how I carry myself. Okay I buy cheap ugly clothes, or I buy ugly shoes, distasteful bags, even hair rubber bands go under scrutinizing? As long as I think they look fine I don’t give a fuck on what YOU think, or what others think.
And I thought you’d be more sensitive to realize why every time I get so fucking pissed. Maybe I took it for granted.

On a lighter note, 3 kids, all younger than twelve years of age, just rang the bell. They asked whether I could give them a few stalks of flowers from our garden, the yellow and purple ones (I forgot the name) so they could give their mom. So sweet! Hmm. Reminds me I should get something for my mom even though she’s really irritating these days. But oh well. I’m not a pleasant daughter to start with, so I admire her for putting up with me.

XMen tonight! Google box here I come!