yawwwwns-
[10:46 p.m.][Wednesday, July 30, 2003]
Caught TombRaider yest! :)
Thanks for watching it with me k? Angelina Jolie is absolutely droolicious.
yummy.
heck the lack of plot. Haha. It was quite sinister towards the end. I know I got quite scared haha.
Went swimming today at Bedok SC :)
I've got a lovely tan all over! See what swimming can do what 4 hours of tanning at Sentosa can't?
But the chlorine absolutely saps my hair dry..now its resembling grass more and more by the minute..
I'm going to go swimming more often. It gives me a great workout I swear, cos now I'm absolutely lethargic.
Okay. Weekly basis! Quick. Sign up to be my regular swimming partner! Conditions apply: you know how to swim, you can't have a killer body (then I'll look like a whale), and thirdly you aren't a piss-in-the-pool-idiot. =)
Jono is flyin off tmr! We'll miss you dear boy. -awwwww- Good luck for Peru!
Sendin him off at airport I think, how can we miss it. ;)
yay. I'm becomin a bimbo. Just need to get the motivation to study. Then I'll be a nerdy bimbo.
woohoo. I can hardly envision that.
still having mixed feelings. But I'm relatively happier :)
-big smiles-
till then.
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moooo.
[05:36 p.m.][Monday, July 28, 2003]
-shrieks- the guys bullied me the whole day!
okay. Maybe not. But you all took all the ugly nonsense pictures of me! And uhh..ate all my dessert! (Uhmm some la) Andddd... and... I always do the things myself!
You all better help tmr else I'm going to shriek in your ears.
So irritating. Can't upload the pics frm the damn 7250 unlike the other 2 phones! =(
-smirks- I'm a bloody narcissist.
okie. My sister's talking to me about going to church. The girl is very interested in religion now. I think it's the KatongConventPri phase.
Maybe I'll look for somewhere near and bring that girl to try it out. Maybe I will too. Depends.
Well well.
Grace is very interested in catching Tomb Raider tmr! Sadly for this amount of enthusiasm the level of response is low. =(
I shallllll drag someone out by hook or by crook.
wahaha.
Oh yes, my alma mater sec4s came over to VJ today!
goodness tell me I didn't look like them 2 years ago.
eeeuuuwwwucccccch
Having some sort of mixed feelings now. hmmmmmmmmm. -deeeeep in thought-
someone said something really insensitive today even though I appeared to be laughing at it.
I'll let it go. But try to think how'd you feel if you were me.
just hope tt I have a place in ur heart..no matter how small..it's all I ask for..just wanna know that someone truly cares..cos I'm still hurt...
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lookies!
[03:43 p.m.][Sunday, July 27, 2003]
[EDIT] additional pics from KC's siemens phone! with flash of course.
in roxy sq yet again,with KC =)
super bright flash! bus stop at parkway, notice the overhead bridge.
the only one with better lighting, hoho.
pics from the sonyericssonT610, yours truly. -grins-
with Zhao on day of Band Fiesta.
with Terese at Botanical Gardens
kc! our roxy sq escapade, the day we spent fruitlessly searching for a neoprint machine.
sorry I scared everyone with the rather bloody hiatus pic.
But yea. I'm fine now I suppose. Life still goes on. I still have friends to rely on.
rships aren't everything I guess.
Special thanks to Fonny, Jon and Wei for those phone calls.
Thanks to everybody for your overwhelming concern. -huggggggggggggggs-
Stayover last night with Nick, Song and Zhao was fun =) we played bridge, daidee, and bullshit, and we went for a nightwalk to Kev's hse to visit that dear boy haha.
As usual we played cards at the void deck and drank sparkling juice haha :)
Trudged home and we settled in to watch the google box and everyone drifted off until this morn. Thanks guys for keeping me company! -another bigggg hugggggg-
Thought it was time for something more cheery, so - Tadaaa!
umm. Hope it looks okay?
big smiles :)
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where's the love?
[08:20 p.m.][Wednesday, July 23, 2003]
We went rockclimbing yesterday! :) had a great time laughing initially at the umm wearing of harnesses, haha. Woah guys don't wear until so tight...and ummmm it's quite porno la damn gross! Anyway my left forearm keeps having cramps today uggh. But we had a very good time! And we're doing it again next week..plus flying fox =)
oh yeax. he gave me a rose + a really nice testtube filled with something and my name inside...very sweet very nice! thanks =)
had photo taking today too..like our faces can actually be seen? duh. PLUS had to wear court shoes when I'm like in the 3rd row who can see my shoes?
haha I guess I wanted to say lots more..but this has ceased to become a place where I seek solace from my problems...maybe I still grouse here..but I guess it's too public now for me to actually say any more. yeahx hope everything will be fine for you Jon..and there's nothing wrong with the whole world its just me haha..stop being demanding grace!
Yeah saxes alumni outing on this Fri/Sat evenin! :) Go go go! Haven't seen anyone in ages, except maybe Lionel and Aprilyn haha..
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updatex
[10:09 p.m.][Monday, July 21, 2003]
been having bad migraine cos of my late showers, and I haven't been sleeping properly. Was slightly feverish/stomach ache and all this morning..but thankfully I stopped being icy to the touch after late morning. However the migraine continued till late afternoon, and died down (thank goodness) when I went to meet up with Kheecong :)
Had a really good time catching up and reminiscing, we had this incredible journey looking for a dumb neoprint machine, ended up using our own camera phones to snap some pathetic shots with the "roxy square" sign in the background. But we had good laughs remembering all the shit we did in DHS lol.. So miss those times, I don't mind going back now, screw the regimentation, at least we had pure innocent fun. Things nowadays are far more complicated for my liking.
Can we meet up soon again? :)
Came home and Dad shouted at me cos he thought I slammed the glass panels in my toilet. Fine...Are you deaf do you not know what the latch being locked sounds LIKE? I'm trying very hard to restrain my anger already...I'm a violent person alright..please try to make it easier for me...
Anyway, college day was crappy, dinner after that with Fon, Terese, JR, Ibis+NICK, Kev was great. Notice I said Ibis+Nick hahaha. -don't hit me!- After that everyone left and we headed to ECP because I didn't want to go home...Talked about stuff and yea I did break down...
Was quite sad..and yea it was still hanging when he pushed me onto 55 cos it was already 11pm..Woke up the next day feeling quite apprehensive as I didn't know what was going to happen...
But nevertheless we had tremendous fun at Band Fiesta. =) My last performance I guess. But yea April hope it won't be our last we have the best mo4qi4! All the soft porn faces, VGS crap, disturbing Jiting, bus rides back to VJ, all the singing and crap, and so many other memories... sigh. I will remember this as long as I can...this is it..goodbye band... -sob- I miss my instrument I miss saxes!!!!!!
Had dessert at Parkway with Ibis after that...then headed home...after that...things sorta happened in a blur yeahx.
Anyway I'm glad things could be worked out...and are much much much clearer now...thanks for giving me this cos its the best affirmation possible...although the way you asked was quite impromptu but I forgive you la..yeah. haha(like SH puts it...it's not me and you it's now WE!) =) Hope we can get over whatever obstacles we encounter together alright? I'm thankful I have somebody to double my joys and half my sorrows...looking forward to many more memories with you... -hugs-
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The Long Goodbye
[12:45 p.m.][Sunday, July 20, 2003]
I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be (so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill
(climbin' up a hill)
[Chorus]
This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye
Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
(on a wing and prayer)
[Chorus]
This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye
[Chorus x2]
The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye
Someone please tell me why
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Guess I'm never coming back again
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morbid
[10:25 p.m.][Friday, July 18, 2003]
whatever I'm going to say really happened..so yea..
Yea..had a fullday off, went for CollegeDay rehearsal plus band which ended at 12..took 36 to meet JR after that..and then along the way at the Marine Parade junction 36 slowed down..and I had a very clear view...
A bus ran over this elderly lady...I think I couldn't see the face..there was blood all over the place she was lying face down in this contorted position, her legs were split open and mangled.. the whole scene was just fucking gory..
This woman was standing at the pavement pointing and looking visibly distressed..the whole bus was like "OH MY GOD." the accident had JUST happened a split minute ago..so there was nobody there yet...I was shocked speechless I didn't register that there was a body lying on the road till a while later..and then I couldn't get the image out of my head the whole day..it reminded me of the incident in primary school..
I was badly shaken..but I didn't show it much because I didn't want anyone to worry..the entire day actually..up till now..because it happened so close..you always see such stuff on TV but you don't see ppl getting run over on a regular basis..it was fucking bad...cos I had an unblocked view and the bus actually stopped so yea..I almost cried on 36 but I held back...
The afternoon passed by in a blur..I know lunch at Lido sucked. And then we walked aimlessly to Borders,Wisma,Taka then Heeren before heading home. Could have put the day to better use I guess..yea.
Went to grandmas house for dinner and visit her at the same time..was worried sick about her condition..
Reached there and had another shocking moment..my Aunt had just returned from this Casino trip from Genting..along with 3 other relatives, mostly quite old already..
They stayed in this hotel..on the first night they tried to save money so 4 of them decided to maximise a queen size bed in 1 room..so they pulled off the top mattress so they can spread the comforter on the base..you get the idea..
And guess what they found underneath?
A fucking female corpse.
oh god..According to my badly shaken aunt, it wasn't rotting that badly and it was very concealed hence they didn't notice the smell..but..MURDER victims usually don't look too good..and this corpse gave my 4 grandaunts/aunts a horrific shock..they were petrified imagine which person looks under the bed and finds a fucking corpse?
Gosh they ran for their lives to the management..and the damn hotel actually gave them 2 choices..either to report to police or they'll pay them each 7000 ringgit to shutup..they chose the latter and fled home..I don't think that was right but I guess they weren't in the right state of mind..and it's in Malaysia anyway...sheesh what is the fucking world coming to?
I'm not staying in any Genting hotel again.
Life's so fragile..oh shit..I just saw the news on TV about today's accident..there was a white sheet covering..the old lady died immediately..man I really feel like crying/throwing up...
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uhh.
[08:42 p.m.][Wednesday, July 16, 2003]
Mr.BOOMBA =>super funny animations.
yikes. band is very taxing..it's already July! And this Friday is a halfday but we have to stay back for rehearsals till 2+? wth? I'm thinking of a foolproof way to skip it. And the entire Sunday will be eaten up by Band Fiesta..shit.
Laughed a lot today..or rather after school..but it just hides the emptiness. yea. Just feel amazingly alone..something missing..
quite disappointed..yea but can't expect much at this point..just drifting in the middle of nowhere just isn't what I'm looking for..
quite bogged down with stuff..my own..my buds..can be difficult to breathe at times..I really want to help but I don't know how I can..I can only provide a listening ear, but not advice cos I really can't give the best ones either..
weighs me down so much..and there seems to be hardly anybody who understands entirely...which is disappointing
I care a lot for my friends...if they need I'll gladly stay awake till the wee hours just listening to them...but I can only listen..I can't get my act together myself what right do I have to tell you what to do..
So please forgive me if I seem very tired at times...or if I don't give the responses you want to hear...
Hope I can get my wallet tmr. crosses my fingers.
[peaceout]
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decadence
[11:49 p.m.][Tuesday, July 15, 2003]
sigh. results confirmed as OEEE. hmm. at least I passed 3. now I shall mug my ass off for chem to pass that damn subject. and bloody hell was it my best subject last year. Haha. What irony.
Just dawned on me that prelims are looming ominously ahead and I'm still stuck in this still-can-play-la time warp. -slaps myself violently- hmm i'm apparently still stuck wakeup wakeup grace study proteins lipids normal distribution macroecons do physics paper I feel like a sloth weighed down with umm bananas wait sloths don't eat bananas do they how about a elephant with lots of peanuts but the peanuts are probably of negligible weight-
=>proof of my mental degradation.
I got my self-improvised chocolate fondue set (hope it works) and my fill of meatballs. love Ikea. I think I can stay there in all those showroom displays.
Yea. I think yesterday morning was really turbulent. and guess I'm feeling quite bad now too..got whacked repeatedly by mom just cos she was in a bad mood. fantastic. oh yea.. like it's not hurting me..whack my shoulder, i'm just there for you to take out on even when it's not my fault at all..
Things are not exactly what I'll call rosy now..I guess it takes alot of courage,effort and everything else to make it work..tell me about it..I'm just screwed up sometimes..
Many a time I just need a shoulder to lean on...don't wanna cry anymore.can be so difficult..what's wrong with everything..are there really cycles...periods of unbelievable bliss then depression...
this decadance..
sometimes I just feel so alone..this deafening silence..when no one seems to understand...can be so painful..the uncertainty of it all..when there's nothing concrete to grasp on to for support..
Miss many ppl now..fangy.zhihui...kc..rach..many old friends..yea hope to see them soon enough..shoutout to rach:happy 18th birthday girl..hope u got my birthday wishes on time yesterday yea?
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post concert
[04:02 p.m.][Sunday, July 13, 2003]
halo there.
I played my best yesterday..the best ever Jap Graf 5 solo considering that I had to stand up in front of the packed Esplanade..and Mrs S R Nathan..hoho..All my solos were smooth! Noah's Ark and Praise Jerusalem sounded fantastic..think we reached our peak! But too bad..we shld have played at this standard for SYF...let Top5 slip out of our hands..
Fantasy Variations was good in my opinion..overall. So familiar..yet I was playing it with a band entirely alien to me..NTU haha. BUT. My 1st concert with Lionel! :) Great one Variation 8! 1812 was dumb...came in only at 27. And I can almost memorise the entire piece...but had to sit there and stone..why..cos we're not NTU players..
JPOP was damn heart pumping! The percs were enjoying themselves obviously. Minus the damn NYP saxophone guy, it was damn fun haha.
The esplanade dressing room can almost double up as a hotel room ;) Anyway I was having loads of fun backstage with Aprilyn and the rest...her stupid soft porn face..haha. Mr Phang asked me whether I was playing Ecstacy Variations instead since I was going cranky prancing around swinging my skirt..doing the Star Search dance.. -_-'''
and wearing my skirt as a tube dress with super high slits backstage, doing the filipino impersonation "nini never sleep with sir, mom!" on the bus was reallly crazy. And yea I got lotsa flowers! :) -hugs- thanks to everyone who came...fang..sh..ducky..jr..siok etc.. :)
Great concert man! Esplanade is really strict though..pissed the hell outta me with all the damn restrictions and the ease of getting lost..haha.
By the time everything ended and we left school it was almost midnight..luckily there was still the last bus. -whew- went to eat hokkien mee near my hse..then home..for a well deserved rest :)
Now I'm stuck with all the damn backlog of work which I've ridiculously ignored because of the apparent lack of time due to the crazy rehearsals. haha. GP is a mountain by itself..2 reading responses, 1 compre..plus chemistry tutorial grp work..where's Jono and Kev?! AND MATHS tutorial..someone stab me.
don't know what's wrong with me too..can't seem to get the drive of the past..this evident lack of self-discipline..sigh. A's are inching closer..and what the hell am I doing...wakeup you dumb bitch...you're a bloody 6pointer..and the pressure is mounting..
My results are so shameful I need a paper bag to cover my face...
Hopefully there's a halfday/fullday this week..I'm craving for Ikea and meatballs. Time to assimilate my work..and get rid of this dumb backlog. Feeling kinda empty after the concert already. Hmm.
work work work...-yawns- or maybe a nap first won't hurt..haha.
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bad week...
[11:21 p.m.][Friday, July 11, 2003]
had a mini hiatus...was a crazy week. reached home everyday earliest 10..and we took 4 times of cabs home from NTU. since today was the last time,we booked a merc...at the band's expense. too bad.
Laoshi is old and nutty. Now we're so extra for Fantasy..Irks me endlessly. And VJCSB is only going to play 3 songs...dumb concert. I hope tmr's performance will be a smash..I'm going to be the only soloist standing up! Oh gosh. -_-' in the esplanade!
wish me luck wish me luck!
Okay. 1 more week...then no more band! But I think I'll feel so empty. will miss my laogong definitely. sigh. wonder when will be the next time I'm going to touch a saxophone...
Was really bad this week I guess..results are like FEE..and an unconfirmed O..woah.
I'm going to get screwed by my parents..
and many things happened I guess..was contemplating alot of stuff..
realised that I do get affected by the things ppl say.
but still...thanks for your reassurance..yeah. I guess no matter how bad things get..you still manage to make it more bearable...
and I'm thankful for you being here..
for unconditional selfless loving..
although I can't promise I'll be the best...but I'll put in everything I can..
and that's all that matters...
:) ilu dear
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do some math
[12:11 a.m.][Monday, July 7, 2003]
1.sentosa on friday with the guys, then shopping and eating pho with him => +150pts
2.extremely fruitful shopping on saturday with Terese => +70pts
3.sentosa again with Ivy Terese and Yirong today, tanning, hot guys, bathing with my showermate Yirong => +100 pts
4.results coming back => -10000pts
5.mom grounding me, freezing my finances, verbal abuse => -50pts
6.I owe ppl money. lots of it. =>-30 pts
7.some bastard pissin the hell out of me => -100pts
8.cutting my longgg shampooo-ad-worthy hair to something umm. funky? => +20pts
9.deciding on whether to make a painful decision => -infinity
10.band tmr 9-9 later part of it at some god forsaken place like NTU => -50tpts
11.Esplanade performance this Saturday =>+100pts
do the math. I think it wavers towards the negative infinity. hmm.
+ + +
whew
[12:18am][Friday, July 4, 2003]
It's finally over..I screwed up all 4 as usual..damnit. only a mere weekend for a break...well. Shall make the best of it. Sentosa tmr!
After chem today I went home to change..then got out..met Song..whilst waiting for my mom, who else, but dear Huifang popped right out infront of me hhaha. What a pleasant surprise. :) Then I got my jeans, and met him for a superrr long day.
I think we thronged up and down orchard road so many times! And it was really filled with VJ pple...:) met erm, ALOT. I stopped counting the number of ppl I ran into after it hit 13. Like Zhihui, Kenneth, Adelene, Zhiwei blah...Caught Charlie's Angels. It's such a "YEAH RIGHT" show..haha. Not bad, extremelyyy action packed. But nevertheless cute haha. Went to meet the guys at Scotts for a combined dinner! So long without a complete gathering!
Then we left the guys and went to Esplanade..to Max Brenner's Chocolate bar! For chocolate fondue..yummy. :) I'm satisfied for a week, I swear...so rich! Anyway you promised you'll make chocolate fondue for me soon! haha.
Finally got home after a long arduous journey.. Whole body's aching cos I worked out yesterday..arg. Keep getting cramps..Anyway hope tmr's tanning+kayaking+beachvolleyball is going to be loads of fun! =) I need to get my fat ass in shape..
-yawns- gdnight pple =) sorry the tagboard's somewhat screwedup..
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